Partner vs Objective Orientation
You have a free day to get out in the mountains, and you’re fired up. What do you choose first, your partner, or your objective? Perhaps it’s something that happens without conscious thought, perhaps you have tick lists of climbs and humans.
Taken to the extreme, Partner Orientation is focusing on who you’re spending time with, regardless of your level of interest in what you’re actually doing.
At the other extreme, Objective Orientation is deciding what you want to do first, and then finding someone who will come along for the ride. Ideally it’s someone you want to spend time with, but potentially it’s any warm body willing to hold the other end of the rope for you.
Usually we’re not fully at one extreme or the other, but it is a balancing act. You shouldn’t abandon your friends because their current interests aren’t your first choice. But, you also shouldn’t abandon your dreams because your existing friends don’t share them with you.
Sometimes things naturally align. You can land in a place where you’re choosing partners first, but only because you’ve already curated that group of people to be the ones who share your objectives.
I think this is a valuable conceptual model. It’s useful for contemplating your intentions and decisions. But whether you’re using this model or not, the reality exists, and there are some emergent dynamics I’d like to explore further.
Objective Orientation is the Casual Hookup of the Mountain Play
I’ve been hesitating to make this analogy, but excessive Objective Orientation makes your relationships with your climbing partners into casual hookups. You’re both there out of convenience, and while you enjoy the experience, it isn’t necessarily building to anything more. Eventually you part ways, and there isn’t a real relationship to keep alive.
Sometimes one partner wanted more. Your objectives aligned for a while, but perhaps one person was more Partner Oriented and thought it would last forever. The other moves on, as their objectives fall out of alignment. There can be a very real sense of hurt here.
Takeaways:
There isn’t anything fundamentally wrong with this arrangement, just like there isn’t anything fundamentally wrong with casual hookups. But it can leave people feeling hollow or rejected.
How many climbing partners do you have that you don’t see outside of climbing? We can form strong trauma bonds when we face adversity in the mountains together, but making a point of actually spending time together in town, outside of climbing, can help build lasting relationships. Bonus points if you manage to spend time together talking about your actual lives, not just your next climbing trip.
Power Dynamics
There can be real power dynamics in our belay-tionships too. When one partner is focused on objectives, getting out with them can be contingent on it being their chosen mission. This isn’t inherently wrong, it can just be two people openly discussing what they’re interested in and willing to do. However, a weaker or less gregarious partner can find themselves in a position of bending to a stronger partner’s will. They might not have a lot of options, and might be somewhat compelled to support you, even if it isn’t their first choice.
This can often come up in mentor-mentee relationships. One person is implicitly or explicitly the more experienced one, and in effect the mentee pays for the privilege of mentorship by going along with what the mentor wants to do.
Takeaways:
Honesty here is very important. It isn’t a great vibe, but you can tell someone that you’re willing to get out with them, but only if it’s the thing you want to do. If the communication is open and honest, no one is being deceived or manipulated. On the other hand, ghosting or flaking on someone when they suggest something you’re not keen on is toxic.
Give back. If you’re in this position of power, appreciate that your friend might get more out of a day that isn’t your first choice. Just because you have the power, doesn’t mean you have to exert it.
Striving for Performance
There are real reasons for Objective Orientation. If we want to realize our full potential as athletes, we need to train hard. An objective we’re not stoked on isn’t just uninteresting, it’s actively making us weaker. Or at least not making us stronger.
If you are belligerently performance focused, so be it. This too isn’t inherently wrong. But it can come at the cost of building real relationships.
Takeaways:
As above, be honest with others about it. It’s okay to tell someone you don’t want to do anything but your project, because you’re so close to sending.
But also, be honest with yourself, and take a close look at your motives. Remember that all of this is fundamentally pointless, and no one outside of our little circles cares. Consciously make the decision about how important performance is compared to the parts of your life that it competes against.
Striving for Accomplishment
Even if we’re not focused on maximizing performance, there is something satisfying both in the moment and in the longer term about ticking objectives off a list. Repeating a route or doing something ‘boring’ doesn’t provide the same satisfaction as a unique route, a new summit, or a completed test piece. We can be hesitant to sign up for days that don’t fire us up, and this can come at a social cost.
Takeaways:
I’ve fallen into this trap for a long time. But what I’ve found lately is a better balance for both striving for performance and for accomplishment. Evening training sessions can still yield high performance, without requiring days out projecting. Prioritizing a smaller collection of higher quality days out can produce great accomplishments and memories without consuming your whole schedule.
The summer of 2025 was a highlight for me in this regard. I didn’t actually get out climbing that many days. But, I eked out five memorable FA’s with five different partners. Those shared experiences are more valuable to me than a season’s worth of cookie-cutter crag projects.
Final Thoughts
Don’t lose sight of the joy of just being out in the mountains. It’s important to be able to value a day where you don’t get stronger, don’t tick something noteworthy, don’t end up with something to spray about on Instagram. Strength, ticks, recognition, these things are all fleeting in the longer term. Relationships and intrinsic enjoyment are the things that last.
Find joy in the stoke of others. It can be just as rewarding to help someone else achieve their objective, or to teach a skill that may be second nature to you now. In recent years, working as an ACMG guide and volunteer through TABVAR has brought this to the forefront in my life.
This all may come off as preachy or judgemental, but understand that the person I am preaching to and judging is myself. These are all traps I have fallen in, and continue to fall into, and my takeaways are lessons I’m trying to teach myself.
